Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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