When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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