First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
