We're like a lot better than the average bears
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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