I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
