FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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