Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
