My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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