Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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