There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
