I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
