How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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