i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
