what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
