She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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