my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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