for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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