she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
