i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
