Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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