you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
