it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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