and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
