I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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