Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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