Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
