Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We have started to decorate penises.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
