I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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