1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
someone owes me an orgasm
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
