just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
