Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
