dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
