Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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