Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
