I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
