Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
