See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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