Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
