I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
