Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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