how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
