It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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