I got chris browned last night
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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