some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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