:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
