drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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