Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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