It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
