My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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