Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
