my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
