Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
