Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
