I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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