I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
